Tour of European hotel bathrooms

Fancy hotel bathrooms, dear readers, will be posted here for your amusement, for the next few weeks!

Here is a swanky hotel-in-training, The Park Plaza County Hotel near Waterloo train station in London. It’s huge and made of glass and has glowing purple columns and recessed lighting in the sidewalk, and a guy in a bowler hat hailing your taxis. From bed I am looking out a floor to ceiling window with a view of dawn over east London.

The bathroom looks lovely and the bathtub is deep!

The glassed-in shower beams you up to the Enterprise,

But OMG people! The bath stuff! It’s not fancy!

It’s like little slivers of Dove soap jammed into a plain box that says Park Plaza Hotel! I’ve got some serious generic shampoo over here and it’s just sad.

The bathrobe is like a bunch of rough old towels from the YMCA circa 1977, sewn together and rented out. Look, the rental label is still on my lapel:

I can’t make fun of this enough! This is an “executive suite upgrade”?

Maybe it was the Bathroom Mirror Defogger. Seriously? A defogger?

While a Mirror Defogger is nifty, it is not essential to a fancy bath. Good bath stuff is what you need, sad new fake-posh hotel!

Where are the rare platypus placenta and ostrich toejam creams lightly scented with repackaged toxic waste and an anti-oxidizing Brazilian Trendy Fruit of the Month ? What is this travesty of shampoo that smells and feels like the liquid that comes out of handwashing dispensers in a gas station restroom? Mother of god, hotel people, at least put some scrolly text on these bottles in a half-assed attempt to convince me I’m have a Spa Experience.

I would like a Ginger Acai Cosmopolitan Pomegranate Lemon Drop Mojito… IN MY SOAP.

Capitalism, ur doin it rong.

Sicilian Blood Orange creamy soap